Nine things I learned while watching this version of The Big Bounce (2004). Why nine instead of the normal ten? Because if the filmmakers involved in this can't be bothered to give a damn about the finished product, why should I?
1. Morgan Freeman is good in anything. His earring is not.
2. Owen Wilson, despite his laid back charm, makes a terrible criminal.
3. Charlie Sheen looks stupid with a mustache.
4. Sara Foster should never be in another movie. Ever. Next time a film needs a skinny blond scam artist just get Bridgett Fonda.
5. It is somehow possible to sodomize Elmore Leonard's dialogue.
6. Why have talent such as Bebe Neuwirth and Gary Sinese only to barely use them, and not use them properly?
7. This might be the only time I describe a film as "awkward" that wasn't made as a school project.
8. It is a terrible film.
9. After watching it, I'm not sure if I can bring myself to watch the earlier version.
Someone out there help me out. Is it worth it, or will it just be time I wish I could get back?
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