When in actuality he does indeed text. Just once. It's a hell of a text though.
But Machete does so much more.
The "mexploitation" flick, brought to us by the insanely creative mind of Robert Rodriguez, along with co-director Ethan Maniquis and co-writer Alvaro Rodriguez, is hopefully the first in a long line of Machete movies. I haven't had this much fun watching a movie since Black Dynamite.
What can you look forward to if you throw this movie into your Blu-ray player?
-Rappelling with human intestines
-Cheech Marin as a shotgun toting priest
-Steven Seagal, with a terrible accent, in a movie that didn't actually go direct to video
- Lindsay Lohan as a drug addled irresponsible girl who likes to get naked.
-Jessica Alba playing twins (if you watch the deleted scenes)
-a cat used as a silencer (again, deleted scene)
-death by low rider. And finally a reason as to why you should make your car bounce
-a performance by Michelle Rodriguez that does not annoy the hell out of me.
-a sketch artist
-a Luchador assassin
-a convincing argument against anti-immigration laws
-an interesting new place to store your cell phone
-the best damn performance of Danny Trejo's life.
The only reason for not watching Machete is if you take heart medicine, have a fainting condition, or a weak stomach. Seriously, there is a lot of blood.
I'm only adding this because I've been asked a few times, but yeah, I always accept review/preview copies. Who turns down free stuff? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for my mailing address. And thanks.
Dan Fleming is the writer/co-creator of Warrior Twenty-Seven, the independant comics anthology. He's been known to bury his nose in books since the earliest of ages, and has been busy writing a crime novel for a few moons. His comic work can be viewed at www.warrior27.thecomicseries.com. He is also one half of the podcasting duo, The Potato League Podcast, which can be found on Podbean. He can be contacted at either email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org